Moving to London to look for a job and settle down led me to doing the complete opposite of that. I did not get a job and I did not feel that I really wanted one there. I ended up getting engaged to my American and winding up the last few bits and pieces of my life in London. I had left my possessions in storage in London with the aim of eventually coming back and settling there again. But God makes different plans and I found myself digging my stuff out, donating most of it to charity and then sending some back to Geneva, my city. The hardest thing to lay to rest were my law books, physical symbols of my pride, determination and sweat. I have kept my mountains of folders and they will have to find their place in my parents’ house until the day comes when I clear them out too. They have outlived their usefulness and in a new land with different laws, they probably won’t be needed.
It just made me think that when I make new friends now, they only see a snapshot in time of me. If we get close and I want them to know me better, I have to fill them in on so much. Those high school years, the rebellions from my parents, the secret piercing, the university loves, the grinding life at law school, the long break afterwards and a whole lot in between. I guess I find it that I want to hold on to everything positive or important that happened and keep it is a part of me. All the places where my memories were made, all the people who helped make them, all those world-shattering experiences, the most negative ones that left me appreciating the raw beauty of life, it makes it hard to explain who I am. Especially now with my wonderful freedom and being in wedding planning mode, there seem to be no reflections of my past. If possibly I had stayed in one place or one city my whole life, I would have been able to keep tabs on it. It would be all around me. But it’s not and I am moving into the new and starting from scratch. It’s up to me to remember how much I want to remember and show whichever pieces of me that I want to show.