In the blue light of morning

It may not be the best idea to wake up in the early morning to write down some feelings that were fleetingly felt whilst waking up. Dreams do that to you, momentarily transporting your emotions from sleep to wakefulness and sometimes you remember the dream that is making you feel this way. Only in my dreams do I feel some emotions these days. Newlywed life for me means being too occupied to miss anyone or any place too much as the in-love feeling fills up everything. Only my dreams remind me of the transition I made almost abruptly. Dreaming of old friends and the closeness felt with them. In the waking hours, trying to make new friends. Dreaming of cities that once made me dream. In waking, learning to navigate new ones.

I have heard of my friends moving on, moving closer to each other and into London. It makes sense, people do that. Move their jobs, residences closer to family, friends. Or if they are too settled or lazy, they try to get others to move near them. I remember when I was in London and had made plans to move in with T or into the same building as F. So many of us try to keep our parents only a short distance away. That can mean a 10 minute drive to some or a 2 hour flight to others. To me a 7 hour flight, which would mean a whole day’s journey door to door, is too long. When we are done with our far away adventure, I wonder to whom we will move closer? Or who will move close to us?

Contentment is another strange emotion. One that I am feeling these days and yes it does feel ‘settled’. No wonder that’s why they call marriage settling down. That is a term I wasn’t very happy with as to me settling down also means laying down roots in one place, something I am very reluctant to do. That said, I have always been caught between wanderlust and falling in love with the area in which I am living.

This is still surreal. I walk out of the bedroom towards the kitchen and catch sight of the living room in early morning blue light. It is surreal to see that I have my own furniture, that it is lying there in the living room, not quite placed in the right postions yet, but still looking complete. An aspect of my new life that I still can’t take in. This apartment still strickes me as an unbelievable testimony to where my life has brought me. We will come to call it our first apartment and the furniture, our first furniture that we will one day call old and replace.


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