It’s official I suck. That should be my facebook status. I am completely and utterly useless. Well that isn’t true, just today I cleaned almost the entire apartment. I got some important emails out of the way and I read a very interesting book. I’ll be ok. I can’t really type that well because I have considerable pain when I sit down and I can’t walk or stand for long periods. These activities take up so much of my existence, I don’t have much of a life outside the home. I am pretty confined in New York instead of free. I am scared and embarrassed to admit defeat. I am embarrassed to not take advantage and enjoy the greatest city in the world. I am embarrassed at the stress I feel when I think of going out. I read this novel last year in which a young mom develops agoraphobia and is unable to leave her house all of a sudden. she developed it during a stressful period In her life, right after she came back from a trip to New York where she had begged her rich and alienated father for some money for her ill son’s treatment.

Sometimes the world seems like too big and scary a place, but I have seen so much of it, why shrink down to my four walls now?

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