Apparently all I needed to get out of my mood was some girlie time. Last night I got to do a sleepover at lovely D’s place and felt much better after some heart to heart discussions on life, religion, clothes and careers. Also got a head massage and watched a romantic comedy (The Sweetest Thing) and some episodes of How I Met Your Mother. Needless to say I came back feeling energized today.
That said, the spiritual quest continues and I came across a very popular blog that only I was probably unaware of before: Achelois: Raw and Uncut. Her older blog where she does not write anymore is mainly on Islam and women, and even though I am not always sure what she is arguing for or whose side she is on, I have been avidly reading it. Like I said, I don’t understand her views enough to know whether I relate to them or not but I have enjoyed reading a very tolerant Muslim’s posts. I like her fascination with other religions and her completely non-conformist way of being a Muslim. Her attitude is very different from what I did when I felt frustrated with Islamic ideas and the role they wanted me to play. It seems that she delved deeper into texts and history whereas I just avoided it. It doesn’t help that I don’t believe in one single logical truth that explains Islamic laws and history as logic is used by many religions to justify worldviews. Coming from both Sunni and Shite sects, I have seen both sides give their irrefutable proofs.
I guess I just decided that I’ll find my own way that didn’t have to be sanctioned by a scholar of the 18th century. After all, if I am going to answer to God for what I made of my life, how can I tell Him that I lived it half-heartedly because I thought that was what He wanted, and at the same time wondered how He could want that? What if He asks me why I followed what I felt was not right even if it was in His name?
For more coherent thoughts and a beautiful post, read Achelois’ ‘The Shepherd and the Soldier‘.